Finally, I get to ask my annual question: What the hell was that movie about?


I was worried I might not get the chance with the year's end quickly approaching. But fortunately Dan Cook, in all his mediocrity, provided me with the vehicle to release my dissatisfaction with movies that should not have been made.


"Answers to Nothing" literally answers nothing; most specifically in what direction director Matthew Leutwyler was heading. He tries his hand at Paul Haggis' multi-directional character intersection (as in "Crash") but with one small problem. He obviously has no idea what he is doing.

The film briefly revolves around a little girl that has gone missing and the police investigation. It then takes off in different directions as it encompasses various lives in Los Angeles.


The main life is that of Ryan (Cook) and his wife Kate's (Elizabeth Mitchell) inability to get pregnant. Ryan is having an affair and even explains his marital issues to his mistress who is giving him head so that he can supply sperm for artificial insemination. Surely this stuff has been contaminated with her spit!


The we take off to visit Allegra (Kali Hawk) who has racial issues. She can't stand black folk. The problem is, of course, she's black. More importantly, what does this have to do with the price of orange juice? Nothing!


Then there is a scene concerning a homeless person which I totally didn't get. We all know that there is bound to be some homelessness in LA, I'm pretty sure of that.

Then there is Barbara Hershey who plays Ryan's mother who is slightly mental. We don't know much about her because we see so little of her. Hershey no doubt just needed the money.


Drew (Miranda Bailey) cares for her paralyzed brother Erik (Vincent Ventresca) and pushes him around while she jogs. Itr's a job she does because he is her brother, but deep down inside she loathes it and regrets the lonely emptiness of her life.


The suspect of the missing girl flirts with the cop interrogating him and a nerdy vidoe game player who feels attached to the missing girl to the point you might wonder (if you are still awake) if he actually did the crime.


All of the plots come together and... miss each other completely.


They miss each other because we really don't care. You can easily understand why this film near went straight to DVD and missed the big screen altogether. This is a perfect film study on how not to use the intersecting lives style.


"Answers to Nothing" succeeds in answering nothing. Especially that burning question as to why you saw the film in the first place.   -- GEOFF BURTON