HAYWIRE

HAYWIRE

Just to set the record straight, you could never convince me that Angelina Jolie could keep anyone's butt. She weigh's in at around 100 pounds soaking wet. No muscle mass at all.

The same could be said about Kate Beckinsdale (around 115 lbs) or Cameron Diaz (about 125). Forget it: Saoirse Ronan (from "Hanna"), Chloe Grace Moretz (Hit Girl from "Kick Ass") and Zoe Saldana at 115 pounds is not going to inflict that much damage as she did in "Columbiana". It ain't happening.

None of those actress has the muscle mass nor realistic muscle tone to punch out a guy. You see, they are concerned about how well they look in a dress since the camera adds about 20 pounds or so. They look bigger on the big screen but in reality they a practically midgets.

That's why it is so cool to see Mixed Martial Arts champion Gina Joy Carano cast as the lead in "Haywire" - a believable film about a woman who kicks ass. As the old song goes - baby got back!

Surrounded by a stellar support cast of guys (who seemed to enjoy the spanking she gave most of them) "Haywire" is easily the best macho-chick flick made to date. Mainly because the chick kicking butt has actual muscle mass. She's got props!

Directed by Steven Soderbergh ("The Informant!", "Traffic", Ocean's 11", "Contagion") the plot is paper thin.

It involves an agent on a mission that is set up and left out to dry. Well, well, we've only seen that a few times! In fact, wasn't that what "Salt" basically was about?

That's neither here nor there, Mallory (Carano) meets with Aaron (Channing Tatum) a colleague whose in on the set up. While at this New York cafe, after sharing nice-nice they break into a fight in which she kicks his ass before escaping with a hostage.

We learn through a series of flashbacks and recalls, that they were involved in a mercenary mission in Barcelona that went wrong. Behind the scenes are two shady characters Rodrigo (Antonio Banderas) and Coblenz (Michael Douglas).

Also in on the double-cross is another operative Paul (Michael Fassbender) and Ken (Ewan McGregor). It doesn't matter, because no one is any match for her other than her loving father (Bill Paxton) who isn't a wimp himself.

But you quickly realize, the story - or lack of - isn't important. It's watching Carano beat the crap out of everyone. Not a stunt double, but her! In fact, with the exception of one stunt, she does all her own stuff. Because she's an MMA kinda gal.

Wisely, Soderbergh gave Carano only a handful of lines and kept the focus on believable fighting... as it were. Carano proves that we enjoy looking at a woman with real curves and not a stick figure.

"Haywire" is as awesome as a plotless, predictable action flick can be. It's finally what we really want to see - a REAL woman (with real curves) kicking butt.. -- GEOFF BURTON

GEOFF BURTON

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